Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Wedded Bliss Blocker

Bill and I were married on June 9,1973, in Virginia Beach, Virginia. That was home for me and I met him at my church because he was stationed at a nearby Naval base. Bill says it took him three requests before I agreed to go out with him but I wasn't counting! We moved into a little World War II apartment that would be near college for both of us. I was finishing up my senior year and Bill was just beginning after his discharge from the Navy.

One of the first things that we needed to do was to have a phone installed in our tiny apartment. I certainly was going to need to be able to call my mother and father. That was before the days of cell phones. I'm sure a few of you can remember back that far! So one Friday evening Bill told me that he had it all set up for the phone company to install our phone the next morning at seven-thirty a.m.!!!!!!! I quickly let him know that no sane person is even awake at seven-thirty a.m. on a Saturday morning. He was still learning that I AM NOT now and never had been a morning person. I was not happy that he had actually asked the guy to come at the first available appointment during the day. He looked at me quizzically showing plainly that he truly did NOT "get it" where morning people are concerned. And to top that off, one of the two phones was being installed in the bedroom. There would not even be a place for me to hide out until the man was gone!

Trying to defuse my irritation, Bill resorted to his usual manner of defusion; humor. "That's alright, honey, I'll just pull the covers up over your head and he'll never know you are there."

"Right!" I replied, "You just do that. I'm sure that's what most people do on early Saturday mornings. They just pull the cover up over their head so the phone installer won't see them."

Seeing that the conversation was going nowhere, we let the matter drop and sat down to watch a movie together. The topic was completely forgotten as we munched on our freshly popped butter popcorn.

Early the next morning, I awoke groggily wondering why it was still so dark. I quickly realized that the comforter was over my head and as I started to remove it, I was suddenly acutely aware that there was someone sitting on my bed. At the same time, I heard the voice of my husband down the hall! Oh no, surely he didn't; he couldn't have; but he DID!

When the phone man had arrived that morning, Bill, being the sweetheart that he was and not wanting to awaken sleeping beauty had very gently pulled the covers up over my head!! The bedside table was on the opposite side of the bed and not only did I quickly realize that it was the phone installer sitting beside me on the bed but I knew from the way he was whistling one of those annoying little "happy tunes" that he was completely oblivious to the fact that anyone was in the bed next to him. Bill had also managed to ruffle the covers enough to make it look like they had just been left like that when we got up!

Well, I had a predicament! I could scare the man to death by suddenly sitting up in the bed. But that wouldn't have been a good idea for me since I wasn't clothed in the kind of attire I normally would wear to greet a phone installer in the morning. My only alternative was to lie perfectly still and try not to move an inch and hope that he finished in a hurry.

Do you know how many ideas for revenge can fly through one's head as they lie trapped underneath the covers beside the phone installer? Well, I could count at least twenty! I was livid and the only worse thing than being livid, was being livid and trapped under the bed covers. I could hardly wait for that man to leave so I could get Bill.

He took his own sweet time in installing that phone. After all, he had no idea that someone was underneath those covers. He certainly had no idea that there was someone under the covers who was rapidly beginning to hear nature's morning call, so why should he hurry? But finally he got up, packed his tool box, went up the hall and chatted with Bill before he left. I had to wait until he left before I could even get to the bathroom because it was a tiny one bedroom, one bathroom apartment and to get to the bathroom, I'd have to go into the hall and then the poor phone installer would be aware of what had just happened! I patiently (or maybe that's not entirely the correct term) waited until the phone man FINALLY left and then I headed up that hall like a bull who had just had a red flag waved in front of it!

"I can't believe you did that to me!" I shouted.

"Did what?" Bill answered, actually looking puzzled...yes, that look was one of puzzlement!

"I can't believe you left me under the covers while the phone man was here!" I retorted.

"Well, that's what we agreed on last night," he said with great sincerity. "Why are you so angry?"

Whoooo! Hoooo! Anyone who needed that question answered was definitely from another planet. And I had married him! I had the marriage certificate to prove it! To make it even worse, I couldn't even get a rise out of him. He maintained that wide-eyed innocent look as if he really thought that I had wanted to lie "undercover" while our phone was installed.

I learned one thing that day. Never agree to anything in jest with my husband or he might just take me at my word. I was beginning to think that the words, "I do" had certainly been said in jest, at least on my part!!!

Seriously, we didn't fight over it but it has been a story told many times throughout the last 36 years of our marriage. He still thinks it's funny and I still could get miffed all over again just thinking about it!

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